


Bad Days and Someone to Lean On

by ewatsonia



Series: Depressed Moose and Anxious Flowers [2]
Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 22:37:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19327519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewatsonia/pseuds/ewatsonia
Summary: Ian's having a bad day, and Hana will be damned if she's just going to ignore that.





	Bad Days and Someone to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow up of sorts to "Cold Medicine and Cheesy Movies" and mentions the events of that fic.

Normalcy was a funny thing. It was so subjective, so tailored to each individual. It was something that depending on experience, the environment someone had they’d grown up in, the people they’d known, the types of relationships they had. No two people had the exact same idea of it, but those leading similar lives would have roughly the same idea of what was normal.

It was safe, perhaps even obvious, to say Hana’s idea of normal often clashed with her peers at Asagao. Hearing her friends speak casually of going abroad for their break, or the overly generous allowances their parents threw their way never stopped being jarring. That however, was a conflicting idea of normal she rather expected.

She’d been witness to some smaller ones lately, that she hadn’t seen coming. The intricacies of being an outsider to a friend group, rather than an entire social class. Some were fine. Others...

The Hidden Block guys were good. She knew they weren’t being willfully ignorant, but it felt like they were a little too _accustomed_ to Ian being down and out of sorts at times. If she pointed it out, they did their part to try to cheer him up, that’s how Hana had ended up in their club in the first place, but still. It was a thin line, and it had to be the outsider perspective that let her see the difference between his usual self and a bad day.

Today was one of those. The self deprecating remarks that didn’t feel like just jokes, barely touching his food, deflating into his chair and keeping quiet after being talked over, none of that fit Hana’s idea of _normal._

Hana fought it a little in her head, saying that this only stood out because she didn’t know him as well as the rest of the guys, this could just be how he is and she’s only starting to see it now that he’s getting more comfortable around her. There _was_ a difference though.

Her mind flashed to what Ian had been like after chugging all that cold medicine last week. It was more subdued now than then of course, but after that, Hana couldn’t help but see the similarities and Ian had _told her_ the side effects from the medicine amplified feelings that were already there.

So yeah, maybe these bad days were normal for Ian, normal for his friends, but it wasn’t for _her,_  and she was _worried_ because it shouldn’t be. She wanted to do something about it.

An opportunity arose when he departed from the dinner table before most of the club was even halfway through their food. Hana pursed her lips, and decided to sacrifice the rest of her meal to follow after him.

She gave it a bit of time to make things less obvious, rattled off an excuse about needing to get to work on some homework, and darted along the same path Ian had taken. He may have a longer stride, but she sped up enough to catch him.

The click of her shoes against the sidewalk as she half sprinted gave away her presence, and when he noticed her, Ian stopped to let her properly catch up.

“Someone’s in a hurry.” he noted, raising an eyebrow.

Hana smiled, a little strained, nervous. “Just trying to catch up to you. There was um. Something I wanted to talk to you about that I didn’t really want to bring up in front of the others?”

Ian opened his mouth, and glanced around the area, other students meandering about the campus and occasionally passing by them. He frowned. “Maybe we should head somewhere else then, I’m guessing this is something you wanna keep private?”

It was definitely something _Ian_ would want to keep private, so she nodded. “Yeah. That’s a good idea.”

“Let’s head to the tree in the field then. Shouldn’t be too many people passing by there on a weekday.”  Ian said, already heading in that direction. Now it felt like _he_ was the one in a hurry.

The walk there was quiet, Hana not sure what other conversation to make on the way, her head only swimming with thoughts of worry. Was she making Ian anxious, rushing up to him and demanding a private conversation like this? Maybe she should’ve gone about this differently or given him some explanation.

Hana took a deep breath, realizing the absurdity of her racing thoughts. She was getting anxious about making Ian anxious. She needed to calm down.

They arrived at the tree, not a single other student in sight. Ian took a typical place, leaned up against the trunk, arms crossed loosely. His expression softened.

"Is everything okay?"

Ian asking _her_ that almost made Hana want to laugh but she ignored the impulse. It was a reasonable question, what with how vague and insistent she'd been.

"Yes and no." Hana replied, wringing her hands together as she collected her thoughts and prepped to turn them into words. "It's…you, you've seemed kind of off lately. And I was thinking about some of the things you said when you were sick and well…"

Ian's frown deepened, and Hana could see hints of nervousness flickering about him.

Plain and simple, to the point she asked, "Are you doing okay?"

"I...what?" His arms shifted, looking far more like he was clutching— _hugging_ —himself than crossing his arms.

Hana mirrored his posture, hoping she wasn’t about to make things too awkward or pry too much. “You looked upset at dinner. I was wondering if it was any of the stuff we talked about bothering you.”  

“It’s nothing out of the ordinary. Some days are rougher than others and today was one of ‘em, that’s all.” Ian said, closing his eyes and sinking lower into the tree, looking a lot smaller than usual. Pink tinged his cheeks.

Hana lowered her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing with frustrated determination. She didn’t want to push _too_ hard and upset him but Ian wanted to brush this off, and she’d at least give it a good try before letting him. She moved beside him, leaning against the tree as well.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about it.” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Actually, I think it means you really should.”

Ian opened his eyes and glanced down at the hand, before leaning his head back against the trunk. “You’re not wrong, I guess.”

“No, I’m not.”

A long stretch of silence passed before Ian spoke up, voice low. “Venting's hard when you’re paranoid about bringing people down all the time.”  He stared out into the empty, grassy field, eyes not fixed on anything in particular.

“I’ll feel _better_ if you do vent about it because that means you’re not bottling it up.” Hana gave his shoulder a light squeeze before removing her hand.

A gentle exhale left Ian’s mouth. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how things were before I joined Hidden Block.”

“Yeah?” Hana asked.

Ian turned his head down towards the grass and kicked it. “It fucking sucked.” he said, voice heavy with bitterness. “I don’t _like_ thinking about it but it’s all that’s crossing my head these days.”

The grass suddenly flying upward startled Hana but she shook it off. “Oh. Any reason?”

“...I just really don’t want to go back to that.”  It almost sounded like something cracked inside Ian as he admitted this. His breathing picked up speed the longer the silence hung, until he filled it himself. “I keep thinking about it because I can’t shake that it’ll happen again.”

Hana’s heart ached with empathy. “I know what you mean. Things weren’t great for me either and sometimes I wonder if it’s a dream I’m just going to wake up from.”

“Or a trick everyone’s playing on you?” Ian added. He sighed again, sounding annoyed. “It’s stupid. I feel like a shit friend for thinking my friends would do that. And then that just feeds into everything I was worried about and it’s not like I can just say ‘Hey guys, hope you’re having a good lunch, you don’t all secretly hate me right?’”

Hana scooted around the tree to get closer, almost leaning on him. She couldn’t help but recall Ian’s paranoia while drugged up. He’d been so afraid of people _leaving._  

A little part of her wanted to reassure Ian that the guys _absolutely_ weren’t just pretending to like him, that they would never up and vanish on him but she worried it would come off as patronizing or hollow.  “I can’t speak for anyone else...but _I_ definitely don’t hate you.”

There was a smile, one that didn’t entirely reach Ian’s eyes but a smile nonetheless. “Thank you. I know you wouldn’t be here if you did.”

That hadn’t done much, had it? Hana’s shoulders slacked.

“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but it’s one of those days where nothing’s really gonna do that.” Ian shrugged, the motion bumping their shoulders together. “I’m sad. I’m anxious. It is what it is.”

Sounds of movement rustled next to Hana and she watched Ian slide down the tree until he was sitting, head slumped into his hand.

Hana followed suit, though she stepped forward before slipping down, not wanting to risk tearing her jacket on the bark. She didn’t know what to say, but sitting next to him felt right. She settled in, and reached up to wrap an arm around his shoulder. Maybe there was no cheering him up today, but she could at least be here for him. Better was one thing, less alone was another.

Something lightly pressed against the top of Hana’s head—Ian was resting his own there now, eyes closed, and the smile long since slipped off his face.

The pair of them remained in quiet for a while. The summer air was cooling off as the sun set. A breeze shook the grass and kept the two friends from getting too warm. It was comfortable.

Maybe a little too comfortable. Hana’s eyes closed of their own accord. She had to fight to keep herself from drifting off. Maybe she should get into a position where she was less prone to falling asleep but she didn’t want to disturb Ian, or make him think the closeness was unwanted. The risk was too great.

...She also wasn’t sure if Ian was even awake now anyway. His eyes were still closed, his breathing was soft and he _did_ make a habit of sleeping against this particular tree.

“Hana?”

Oh. okay, nevermind. “Yeah?”

“This isn’t something I say as much as I should.” Ian said, lifting his head off of hers so that he could actually look at her. “But..you know I love you, right?”

Confirming Ian’s point, it took Hana longer than she’d liked to process that he’d said that to her. Ian usually said “I love you.” to his friends with actions, not words. Or different words. Hana wasn’t sure she’d actually heard him say that before.

Watching his expression turn nervous at how long she was taking to say anything, Hana finally responded, “I love you too.”

Sadness still lingered about Ian, even as he smiled at her, but it was just the smallest bit quieter. That was a victory.

Ian cleared his throat, cutting through the emotional atmosphere he’d just sowed.  “It’s getting dark. We should probably head inside.” he said, slowly picking himself off the ground. He held out a hand and helped Hana up.

“Wanna hang out in my room for a bit, maybe sleep over? I don’t think Mai would mind.” Sure, they had class tomorrow morning but considering how close she’d come to dozing while sitting under the tree with him, she doubted getting to sleep would be an issue.

“I appreciate it, but I think I just want to turn in early tonight. I’ll get you to Primrose at least, though.”

“All right, let’s get going then.” Hana was understanding, if a little disappointed. She could tell their moment of closeness had helped, but she still wished she could’ve properly cheered him up.

It was what it was though.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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